The great solar eclipse of 2017 has come and gone. I have yet to hear of anyone losing their vision, or dogs and cats starring at the Sun without special glasses. I am however, a bit irritated that nobody warned me of the chaos that follows, as a result of an eclipse.
Monday evening, following the eclipse, Emily had baked a chocolate cake and placed it on the kitchen counter next to the sink. Unfortunately, this area is easily accessible to our four legged friend, via the sofa. Our dog, Katy, waited for me to leave the house to pick up my daughter from practice, before she struck. She devoured almost half the cake, before my youngest walked in on her. When I returned, I cut off the portion of the cake where she had been snacking. I got her all cleaned up and the kids finished off what was left.
Tuesday, while watching television with Emily in our bedroom, I heard a loud pop, then the tv shut off. I would attempt to turn the tv back on several times, with no luck. I then called Best Buy to find out if I had a warranty or a protection plan. I did have one, but of course, it expired 6 months ago.
That same evening, I had to go register my 6 year old for Mighty Mites football. This will be his first season, so I'm hoping it goes well. I thought if I were to show up later in the evening, the registration lines would be shorter. I was wrong. I'm pretty sure everyone had the same idea. We waited in line for 30 minutes or so, only to find out they accept cash or check only. All I had was a debit card. I would have to go through the whole process again, the next night.
Wednesday evening, after getting my daughter picked up from practice, making dinner and registering my youngest for football, I received an Uber ride request while sitting at home. This ride would be fine, however it would lead me to my next request, which was not. I showed up at a house in a nice little neighborhood in SW Springfield. The request came from a man, but a woman came walking out. She immediately apologized.....never a good sign! She tells me her husband's buddy fell in the shower and may have broken his arm, but he is high on something. She tells me I need to take him to an apartment complex. They load a skate board and a trash can full of stuff into the back of my car. Out stumbles this 6'6" white dude, who has on a t-shirt and cargo shorts which are falling off his ass. He has tattoos everywhere and a baseball cap which is turned to the side. The guy looks like Vanilla Ice on crack. They opened the door to my back seat, and he falls in. I have no exact address, just the complex to which they tell me he needs to go. "Ice Ice Baby" passes out during our 10 minute drive, which wasn't a bad thing. Upon arrival, I wake him up and explain to him where we are. He says, "I don't know anyone here...I don't live here." He tells me, he needs to go to a convenience store, so off we go. Keep in mind, his buddy is paying for this ride.
I pull into a Kum-N-Go, he gets out, feels around in his pockets, then says, "We need to go back to my friend's house." He begins talking to his cell phone, "Google, call Alan", he says. His phone does not respond, so he repeats himself several times, before finally dialing the number on his own. We arrive back to the house where I originally picked "Van Winkle" up from. He and his buddy talk for about 10 minutes, then he gets back in and says, "take me to Nichols and Kansas." Once I arrive at the requested intersection, I ask for an address, to which he replies, "just let me out here." I pulled to the side of the road, open his door and grab his stuff from the back. He gets out, and promptly falls into the ditch. There was no way I could help him up, though I asked if he needed a hand. He said, "I'm good, just put my stuff down." Honestly, in the shape he was in, he was probably better off sleeping in the ditch for a while, rather than stumbling into traffic. Because the song, "Ice Ice Baby" is playing in my head, and I really enjoy amusing myself, I say, "Yo man, I gotta get outa here, Word to your Mother!" I doubt he was able to comprehend what I was saying, but I was amused. I spent a total of 41 minutes with that guy, and his buddy ended up paying $35 to get rid of him.
Thursday evening, I picked up 4 young female college students from a bar. One of them asked to go through McDonalds because she was hungry. She first had to check her account balance to see what she could afford. She began telling her friends of her difficult life and all she has endured. She tells us that yes, her family is wealthy, but she is forced to work during the Summer and her parents only send her money once a month. In my head, I'm completely rolling my eyes. She then begins to cry, as she tells us her favorite pet had died a week ago, and her sister was in an accident. I was waiting to hear the details of how her sister had passed away.....but no, she had just broken her arm. Another girl says, "oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that." She responds with, "Even though I'm 20, I feel like I've dealt with a lifetime of struggle and heart ache." I instantly began looking around. There have got to be some cameras set up somewhere. I'm on a hidden tv show right? After I was unable to locate those hidden cameras, with all the sympathy I could muster, I tell her, "Life can be difficult, but that which does not kill you, can only make you stronger." Oh to be young again!!!
Saturday evening after the big fight, I got out and about, to pick up a few passengers. My first ride request was from a local bar where 2 older men awaited. I could instantly tell they were intoxicated and their relationship was a sexual one. They were whispering and giggling in my backseat. At one point, I heard the distinct sound of a zipper being opened, followed by more laughter. I wasn't exactly sure what was happening, but I was positive I did not want anyone unsheathing the sword in my backseat. That fencing duel would need to take place later. I quickly began asking them questions so as to take their minds off each other and get their attention towards me. Thankfully it worked.
After dropping off the Brokeback Mountain duo, I picked up a young man and woman. They were both in their mid 20's. The female was more intoxicated than the male, and she was very chatty. She began telling me about a book she was writing, which was based on her Tinder experiences. She sat directly behind me, and as she told her stories, she kept grabbing my arm and shoulder. Mid story, I felt her hand on the side of my face, then her pointer finger slip into my right ear.....she then asks, "Doesn't this feel great?", as she plunged her frisky phalange in and out of my ear canal. I responded, "no, it really doesn't do anything for me." She responded by saying, "what a jerk!" I kept waiting for the man to speak up and say something, but he remained silent. I'm pretty sure this poor guy had just finished up with a reverse 50 shades of gray experience with Christina Gray back there. After I dropped them off, I received a rating of 1. Apparently, refusing to have my ear hole finger banged, is unacceptable.
Sunday turned out to be a quiet and enjoyable day, however Monday was a different story. I just started volunteering at a shelter for victims of abuse. From 9am to 1pm, I accept and sort through donations. This was my second day of volunteering, and it was just me and one other lady there that morning. The first couple hours were pretty quiet. Around 11am, a rush of people hit, and by 12:30, we had 60 trash bags full of stuff. There was no way we would be able to get through it all. I ended up staying until it was time for me to go pick up my kids from school. We managed to get through about half of it.
Later that evening I picked up a couple of regulars and dropped them off at City Butcher. When they were done, I picked them up to take them back to their hotel. They handed me a brown package and told me they had gotten me some ribs. How sweet! When I got home, I put the package on the counter, yes the same counter space where our Katy had munched on our cake. The kids were playing and Em was watching tv. I decided to mow the yard. It wasn't long before my youngest was chasing me down, interrupting my "me time". Katy had gotten the package open and destroyed those ribs, bones and all. She would spend another evening in the laundry room.
Around 5am, my youngest woke me up. He had an accident in bed, which rarely happens anymore. I got up, and ripped off all of his bedding so I could get it into the washer. I was still half asleep as I opened the laundry room door. The dog bolted out of the room as I continued on. I took one step, a second step and a third step, which ended with a thick warm doggie tootsie roll between my toes. "Son of a bitch", I shouted! My son, had already changed clothes and was laying on the couch with the dog. I threw the dirty bedding to the floor and began cleaning the other morning mess that had been left for me.
In seven years, when the solar eclipse returns, I'm booking a vacation for the following week.