Besides being a stay at home Dad and Caregiver to my wife, I also get my "Side Hustle" on, and drive for Lyft & Uber on the weekends. I began driving last November when Uber came to the Springfield area. I really have not had to deal with a bunch of craziness from riders up until recently. I guess people are feeling more comfortable with taking these rides than they were when these services first came to our area.
On my first night of driving, I picked up a couple of young men from a local bar. They wanted a ride home, but they also wanted to "think outside the bun", they were ready to "live mas". We went to the drive through, ordered their food and I got back on route to their destination. I was about a block from their home, when the guy in the front seat dumped his order of nachos all over the floor. He was apologetic, and gave me a $10 tip, so no big deal, I could vacuum that up pretty quick. After that, I made sure to check out the policies in case a larger mess were made in the future. I found that if someone were to vomit in my car, I could send photos to Uber, and the passenger would automatically be charged like $150 for cleaning fees.
I've been hit on by Miranda Lambert loving Cougars and pissed off, intoxicated wives. I've had twenty-somethings spewing chunks out the back window as they insist I keep driving so they can get to the next bar to meet up with that HOT guy. I've also had a female stranger jump in and demand I take her home, while picking up passengers who had requested a ride from me. That ended with my fare tossing the girls phone out the window, and as she went to retrieve it, he yelled "Go Go Go!"
All of what I have mentioned sounds a bit crazy, but over the course of 6 months, not too bad. Last Saturday around 6pm, I was sitting at home and received a ride request from a location not too far from me. There was no physical address, just a pin drop on a street near a bridge. As I neared my destination, I could not see anyone. I passed the area where I was supposed to pick up my passenger then turned around, still nobody, no house, nothing. I tried to text the person, but no response. Suddenly, I saw a guy pop up from the guard rails of the bridge, then a young lady as well. I pulled up as they walked toward me waving. In my head I was thinking, I really hope I'm not getting murdered today! They had been floating all day, their skin was burnt and they smelled like Natures Toilet. I don't know what they were floating on or where they left their raft, but they needed a ride back to their car. Fortunately, I survived, and only had to endure their foul stench.
Last night was by far the most insane evening I've had to deal with. The first guy I picked up was leaving work to go home. He worked for one of the pizza joints in Springfield. When he entered the vehicle, I detected the scent of cheese, pepperoni and the aroma of a special kind of herb. This dude had been tossing dough and dancing with maryjane all night. He was pretty calm and relaxed, so it was an easy trip. As soon as I delivered him to his destination, I received a new request from a girl named Sara. The pick up location was a place called "Friends", which is a popular karaoke bar. I pulled up near the entrance and out came a young blonde in jeans and a tiny blouse that barely covered her lovely lady lumps. She recognized my car as her Uber and for whatever reason, she began running towards me. After about 4 drunken strides, down she went, right in front of my car. I heard her say, "I'm ok, l'm ok!", then she popped up. Her right nipple had found its way out from behind the curtain, while the left bosom was center stage and putting on a show! As she stood before me, putting the ladies away, two more friends came out, one more intoxicated than the other. The three of them got in the car. Two of the girls asked me to hold on and wait for a fourth girl who was paying her tab. Sara, who was paying for the ride, says "I'm not paying to wait on that b*#ch!". One of the girls hops out and goes back in. Sara, who had just exposed herself to me, turns and says, "You seem like a normal, cool guy. Do you think my boyfriend would be ok with me bringing a girlfriend home?" Before I could give any response, out came the 3rd and 4th girl along with a 5th and 6th girl. My car seats 5 comfortably including myself, but they started jumping in. So I have 5 girls in short skirts piled on top of each other in the backseat, and one of them says, "we can't leave Stacey". Again, one jumps out and goes in for Stacey. I gathered quickly that Sara and Stacey were not besties, when Sara started calling Stacey names that made me blush! Girl #6 and Stacey come stumbling out, they walk to the back of my car, open the hatch and fall inside. Girl #5 jumps out, closes the hatch, gets in and yells, "Lets Roll Bitches!" Normally I would not allow this, but I checked the destination they entered, and it was about 1 mile away. I figured I could get them all there quickly and safely, so I started driving. Sara and Stacey instantly began screaming at each other about who knows what. Girl number 2 tells me I need to turn right at the light, which is the opposite direction from what I have as the destination. Turns out Sara put in the wrong address, and they want to go downtown. I went ahead and took them. One of the girls spilled the contents of her purse all over the back floorboard. While the ladies were trying to clean up that mess, another was puking in a plastic bag she had brought with her. The sweet stank of "Elizabeth Arden, Provocative", mixed with Vomit now filled the air. I was never so happy to get rid of seven scantily clad ladies in my life.....
My next fare was a young man. For whatever reason, he gets in and sits in the seat right behind mine. As I begin to drive, he says, "Can you scoot your seat up?". I'm thinking, dude, why don't you scoot over to the vacant spot next to you and I'll move the front seat up. Then he says, "I'm 6'3", you are gonna have to scoot your seat more." I replied, "I'm 6'4" and I feel like I'm impregnating the steering wheel, I can't move the seat anymore." He did not say anything else the rest of the trip. Not long after I dropped him off, I received my first 2-star rating..... :-(
For my next adventure of the evening, I picked up two young females from Andy B's bowling center. They were mid to late 20's and all dolled up in their party dresses. One of the ladies, who the friend kept calling CiCi, explained I would be dropping her friend off and then taking her home. They were both intoxicated, though CiCi's friend, much more so. She asked if I could take her to get a $5 box at "The Bell". Oh no, flashbacks to my first night, but I replied, "Of Course." I changed direction and went to the nearest Taco Bell, got in line, and the girl says, "No, let's just go home." So I maneuvered my way out of line and we were on our way. They were both in the backseat talking about cute boys, if the girl one of them made out with was a swinger, and if it was a good idea to drink after taking back pain medications. The next thing I know, there are two feet laying on top of my right arm which is rested upon my arm rest. The friend had taken off her heels and is in some weird laying position in the back with her bare feet touching me. I'm not trying to get a 1-star rating tonight, so I just moved my arm and continued. We arrived at the friends home, they both get out and CiCi says she will walk the friend to the door and be back. These ladies made it about 3 feet, and the friend was down in the grass. CiCi tried to help her friend up, but it just wasn't happening. I had to get out and pull the girl to her feet. They somehow managed to get in the house, I delivered CiCi home safely and called it a night. I decided I'd let someone else deal with the nuttiness of the night.
I just purchase a dash cam which I really need to install. These stories would be so much better with video!