It has been a while since I last blogged about some of my Uber experiences. I was down for a while with a broken leg, and having had spinal nerve damage in my legs previously, has made the recovery slow. I’m just now back to walking with a cane again.
So last night, my first Uber request brought me to a home where I picked up a couple. The woman got in first and we sat and waited for her significant other. She notice on the app., that I was a St Louis Cardinals fan. She explained to me that she was “the biggest Cardinals fan”, and how much she loved Molina. Having had just watched the Cardinals game which was now over, I said, “Goldschmidt hit 3 homers tonight.” She replied, “Who is that?”. I thought to myself, ok, not “THE Biggest Cardinals fan”, but still a fan. I explained who he was, then she said, “oh yeah, today was opening day.” “No, that was yesterday.”, I replied. She asked if Carlos Martinez (currently on the disabled list) pitched for the Cardinals. I let her know, that he was hurt and wouldn’t be pitching for a while. I’m pretty sure this lady misrepresented herself. I’m not sure she knew anything more than the names of Molina and Martinez.
Her boyfriend got in, exclaiming he was the “biggest Dallas Cowboys fan”. I asked, “What do you think about the return of Witten?”. “Who”, he asked? “So anyone know what the weather is supposed to be like for the rest of the evening?” I wasn’t about to spend the trip giving the guy lessons about his team.
My final ride request of the night, was one of which I had not experienced before. I arrived at a local drinking establishment, and a man came to my door. I rolled down the window, and he began to explain his buddy was extremely intoxicated, as two men loaded the guy into the back seat. He said I would need to drive him home and get him in the front door. Just as I began to explain, I walk with a cane and may not be able to assist this man from the car and into his home, the guy hands me a $100 bill. “Yes, no problem! I’ll get him in his home safely.” Wait.....
What? Did I really just say that? The guy gives me his cell phone number in case there is an issue. My passenger is laying in the backseat snoring, and I have no idea how this is going to go.
The destination given was about a ten minute drive. My plastered passenger snored the entire trip. We arrived, I got out and opened the back door. I began asking him to sit up so he could get out. After several attempts, he finally sat up. He mumbled a few things, then I put my hand out, to help him to his feet. Rather than come up, he slid down into the floorboard of my SUV.
Again, I gave him my hand. This time was more successful. I said, “is this your home?” I got no response. He was extremely wobbly and began swaying. I leaned up against my vehicle and tried to hold on to him, to keep him from falling. My tipsy traveler took two steps toward the house, turned around, and began stumbling my way. He did not stop, until he crashed into to me. I’m now pinned against my car, front parts to front parts! This man....Michael, is a few inches shorter than I, and well put together. I wrap my arms around him, to keep him from falling. At that moment, someone came out of the home of which I was asked to deliver Michael. A man, yelled, “What the hell are you doing?” I’m almost positive the visual this stranger was getting of Michael and I, was one of pure homosexual lust, in his driveway. I began to explain the situation, and how I was given this address to drop off my buzzed buddy.
I quickly put Michael back into the back seat, then sent a text message to the guy who had paid me $100 to deliver this debauched dude to an incorrect address. The man quickly responded, and said he would try to find out a correct destination. After several minutes, I was given a new location.
I began to get nervous, as this gassed guy started sneezing uncontrollably. I was fearful this would lead to vomiting.
I pulled up to the second home. The first thing I noticed, were the 5 large steps leading to the front door, with no railing. There would be no way for me to get up those steps, let alone “Frank the Tank” who is now laying in the back floorboards.
I also noticed that there was a tv on inside. I sent a new text message to find out if there would be a roommate, spouse or girlfriend inside the home. The guy replied that there shouldn’t be. I walked to the front of the home and also notice the windows were open. I yelled out, “hello, hello?”. I saw a young man pop up from a couch. I asked if this was the address which was given to me, and the boy said yes. I explained to him that I was an uber driver with a guy passed out in my backseat, and I was supposed to deliver him here. The kid says, “you have to wrong address, no man lives here.” Then he asks, “what is the guys name.” “Michael”, I reply. He tells me his Dad’s name is Michael, but doesn’t live there. The kid, who is probably 17 or 18, follows me to the car. I open the door and get a positive ID. “Yep, that’s my dad” he says. We begin trying to wake him up. The kid starts smacking his Dad’s legs, but no response. We pull him up to a seated position, and the son yanks him out of the vehicle. Michael falls straight to the ground, on his knees. The kid tells me he will take care of him, and proceeds to drag him to the front of the house, up the steps, and into the house.
I text the guy, to inform him my passenger was in the house, and my job was done. The entire trip took about 45 minutes, and outside of the awkwardly perceived, dude on dude action in a strangers driveway, it was worth the $120 to deal with mashed Mike.